The annual pleasure of British winter has seen Bad Golf’s John Robin’s swap the golf course for the driving range. But what makes the ultimate practice area?
In his exclusive Today’s Golfer column, the award-winning comedian, broadcaster, and Beef’s Golf Club co-host delves into the incidents that have put his efforts to cut his handicap on hold and explains what his ideal practice facilities would include.
There we were, standing on the ninth tee minding our own business when a ball slammed down three feet in front of us. Though it backs onto the raised green of the 110-yard par-3 8th, you’d have to view your 6-iron upside down to get it this far past.
There had been no shout of “Fore!” and as we weighed up our options as to what choice expletives to hurl back another ball impacted about six feet behind us. This was rapidly becoming less a case of a wayward tee shot and more a personal vendetta.
Watchfully we walked up the path to see which pair we had so grievously wronged when a couple of guys sheepishly turned the corner. Before I could get out my trademark salvo of “What comes after three?!” they apologized profusely and explained that they hadn’t hit the wrong club or misread their rangefinders. In fact, they’d both hit perfect tee shots. Their balls had even pitched within ten feet of the hole… then 50 feet over the trees having bounced on a frozen green.
Sure enough, the rest of the round was spent watching balls bounce at right angles from rock-solid worm casts and perform Tin Cup-esque bounces over frozen putting surfaces.
It’s been a tough winter for golf courses with record rainfall in November and December, and a big freeze in January. I think there were a couple of hours of winter sun in February, but temperatures are expected to plummet again in March. So I’m going to give operation single figures a rest for a while and swap the tee boxes for the range bays until there’s a bit of sun on my back.
We’ve started recording the second series of Beef’s Golf Club the podcast I co-present with Andrew “Beef” Johnston (read my column about it). In one of the episodes, we’re discussing arguably the most familiar area of the golf club to most players, whether established professionals or first-time hackers – the driving range. And it got me thinking, what makes a good driving range?
The highest on my list of priorities is the facility to be able to hit off the grass. Isn’t it incredible that golf is the only sport where you don’t practice on the same surface that you play on? Alas, grass ranges are few and far between, and much as it irks me, I can understand why. They take maintenance time away from the course itself and aren’t much use for those wishing to retreat from the driving rain and frozen ground. I can dream though.