In the mood for a laugh? Here is a collection of golf puns, one-liners and other short funnies. What does that mean? That means that we have one-liners, two-liners and even a few three-liners. But mostly, it means the jokes here are of the short variety. (Longer jokes and story-style jokes can be found on our Golf Jokes section, and you can also check out a collection of Tiger Woods jokes.)
Ready to Yuk It Up?
On to the Golf Puns and One-Liners
Q: Are you a scratch player?
A: I sure am—every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.
It takes a lot of balls to golf like I do.
How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FORE!
Why do golfers carry an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf. Caddie: Oh, he’s played with with you, too, eh?
Golf is a lot like taxes: You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
Q: What’s the problem with my golf game? A: You’re standing too close to the ball … after you hit it.
I’m not a bad putter, I just can’t catch a break.
My golf game is so bad I had to have my ball retriever regripped.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf! Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
Q: When is the course too wet to play golf?
A: When your golf cart capsizes.
If you golf on election day, be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more likely he is to try to tell you what you’re doing wrong.
Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.
Golfer: That can’t be my ball, it looks too old. Caddie: It’s been a long time since we started.
Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
Golfer: This is the worst golf course I’ve ever played on!
Caddie: This isn’t the golf course, sir, we left that an hour ago.
What type of golf game did the fur traders play in the old days? A skins match.
A good golf partner is one who’s always a little bit worse than you are.
Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
Caddie: Absolutely! You miss the ball much closer than you used to.
If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, it means he probably shot an eight.
Wife: You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married?
Husband: Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt.
Brand new golf balls are attracted to water, and the power of the attraction is in direct proportion to how much the balls cost.
Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time, it’s distracting!
Caddie: This isn’t a watch, sir, it’s a compass.
Q: How do you like my game?
A: Oh, it’s a great game, but personally I prefer golf.
The only problem with golf is that the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
